As I write this post, I'm sitting in my favourite spot on the couch, one cat curled into my thigh while the other stares at me from atop the opposite arm rest. The apartment is silent, save for Callie's audible purring and the whirring of the baseboard heaters that make the Canadian winter liveable. Tonight is much like any other night at home - solitary, calm, and peaceful. As I sit here, trying for the third night in a row to write a coherent post for my blog hop, I'm struck as I often am by how different my life could've been if I had ever fallen in love with someone who loved me back. I could be living in a multi-room house instead of an apartment for one; my coffee table could be covered with children's toys instead of medical textbooks; the ambient noise level could be decibels higher thanks to a partner and a collection of offspring. One difference in my relationship status leading to everything else being different.
When I think about these things, however, it isn't with remorse or really even with longing. I used to desperately want that other life, to the point where I clung fiercely to relationships that at best weren't right and at worst were horribly wrong. But now? After years of immersing myself in the single life, of really seeing what it can be, I've made peace with it. I even like it. I appreciate how being single has led me to deeper relationships with my Mom and my nieces and my friends than I might otherwise have had. I value the places I've seen and the things I've experienced through solo travel. I love having the time to devote to my own interests and learning, both within and without the world of medicine. I like my single life.
Which is, I think, how it should be. Because whether I love or despise my life, this is the one that I've been given. There is no magic potion to drink or genie's lamp to rub or sacred candle to light that will suddenly make me not single. Not to say that it won't happen - I am always open to the possibility of finding that reciprocated love that has been thus far elusive - but simply that there is nothing I can do to force it to happen. The only real choice I have is to make the most of where and what I am or to sit on the sidelines of life whining about everything that is missing. Which is a very easy choice.
Thanks to everyone who has linked up with my Valentine's Week Blog Hop. If you're a single blogger who would like to participate, there are still 52 hours to do so as of the time of this post. So please link up!